i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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