Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I will pee on everything he values.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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