You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
