that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
