youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
