Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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