Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
