your thong is hanging out like whoa
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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