No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
