You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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