This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
