My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
