just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
They have beer where we have blood.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
