i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
