just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize