she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it's like iHOP with fire
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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