this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
