I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
