isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
