If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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