The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
