My cat gives me a boner
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize