So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
