thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
