i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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