if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
