and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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