how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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