First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
