Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
