I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Drake has all the answers
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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