i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
