He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
