Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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