my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You smell like stripper and shame
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
