Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
