woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
