Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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