It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
