hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
