Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
