he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize