I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
