My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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