I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
