You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
