You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
