I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
