In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
