Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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