overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
