i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
