the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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