So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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