It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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