So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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