he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
