Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
