I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize