Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
